Desires
by AyakoNoChou
Summary: The line between close friends and something more is usually blurry, and Hiromasa and Seimei's friendship is no exception to this. Desire drives Hiromasa, and with Seimei simple things are made complicated and never all they seem. Yaoi, Lemon.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I like reading yaoi. I have not WRITTEN yaoi before. Ever. So this was a first. I sent it to a friend who threw in her thoughts, and then edited it even more after reading her comments and more yaoi. So... Review Please. Review, critique, and don't be too harsh. Guide me.

Part 1 (of 2?)

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Abe no Seimei sat, the sun shining on his white robes, sake cup in hand. On the polished hard wood around him sat several of his shikigami, with smiles that lit up their faces, looking as though they should be chattering, despite their current existence as silent beings. Seimei liked it this way though. He enjoyed the silence. This was why he lived outside the capital, for the freedom and the silence. And his alone time with Minamoto no Hiromasa. He enjoyed the long nights they stayed up chatting, staring at the moon in Hiromasa's eyes. Sometimes Hiromasa would compose poetry or talk about the women he liked. Seimei's favorite moments were, however, when Hiromasa would play his flute.

Hiromasa also was indulging in female entertainment, his perhaps a little more real than Seimei's. He sat on a cushion indoors at the house of Fujiwara no Hirokazu. Behind brilliant curtains across from him sat a lady, whose shadow he could barely see.

"Perhaps today, Lady, would you please…" his sentence broke off. She was a diversion, he wasn't even in love with her, and yet here he was begging for her name… He wished for the company of his friend Abe no Seimei, whosewomen ran around without curtains to hide them. And their names, or at least Mitsumushi's, were known to him. Even the tomboy princess Himiko, no, Amemiko, had let them see her and know her name. And yet this woman was so annoyingly proper as compared to the others he had come to know through Seimei. It was a wonder he used to spend all his time with women like these.

"It would be a sin. Today is an inauspicious day for name giving," she told him softly. Hiromasa hid a scoff, for he knew the day was fine for name giving, thanks to Seimei. He had come here today because of that. Well, that's what he was telling himself. But deep down, Hiromasa knew he had another reason, a much deeper and darker reason.

"I wrote you a poem," he said hesitantly passing his fan between the curtains to her. The poem he had stayed up all night writing. He was proud of it and thought it was better than his earlier attempts at poetry. Because of that he had not shown it to anyone, namely Seimei, who would surely laugh at it.

He could hear his Lady of the Twilight reading it to herself, her voice soft and tender. "You are too kind," she finally said. He could see her lift a sleeve to her face. To wipe tears from her eyes? Hiromasa beamed. Perhaps tonight… "Lord Hiromasa, would you play your flute for me?" she asked.

Another grin covered Hiromasa's face as he pulled his flute from his robes. "For you, anything," he responded as he closed his eyes. He then lifted the flute to his lips and began to play a tune that he had played for Seimei the week before. Seimei had said it sounded beautiful.

Hiromasa's fingers danced along the flute as he played, feeling today that they were carried by magic. Soon he could hear a kin playing along with him. No doubt it was his lady.

As twilight fell Hiromasa was still with his lady, no longer playing his flute, but instead lazing in front of her curtain. "What could I do, Lady, to prove my love to you?" he asked her. If only he knew what he could do for her!

"You do not love me," she said, her voice sad. "If you loved me you would have proved it to me without asking. You would have brought me the sun, the moon, and the stars, and commanded them all for me. You claim to do your best for me, but it would be no different than if I did not exist in your life! And when you do your best and devote it to me, surely it is not for me! For if your thoughts truly lingered on me as you did it, you would be too distracted to do well. No, you do not love me."

"You are cruel, Lady," was all Hiromasa could say in his shock, but instantly he regretted it as he heard her chocking sobs behind the curtain. "Please, let me stay and prove my love to you tonight!" he implored, his hands pressed against the delicate designs on the silken curtains. "Let me stay and dry your tears, and let me whisper sweet things in your ear and then play the biwa or kin until you fall asleep!"

"Leave me!" she cried.

Hiromasa stood, brushing her curtain aside, and fell to his knees embracing her as she cried, while her ladies gasped in shock and fear. Before he realized what was going on his arms had been grabbed by two of the ladies who were ripping away from his Lady of the Twilight. She too was pushing him away, screaming as she did so. And suddenly her father was there, pushing the ladies away and dragging him through the corridors, then finally tossing him out.

On the ground outside, Hiromasafelt tears sting his eyes as he took in a few sharp breaths. He staggered to his oxcart, dirt covering his robes and speared on his hands and face. He could not go home like this. He could not go anywhere or face anyone looking as he did! And yet before he knew it he was at Seimei's residence. He lifted his head, tears still running down his face, and wondered if he had demanded he come here or if his men took him here out of habit.

Hiromasa did not want to face Seimei now. He did not want his friend to see him like this, dirty and sobbing. And yet he wanted nothing more than to be comforted by his friend. He stood and stepped out of the cart. It would be rude to leave now. No doubt Seimei already knew he was here, and the state he was in.

He stared at the ground beneath his feet, trying to find the courage to walk. He gasped when he looked up. Before him stood Mitsumushi, smiling at him.

"Hiromasa-sama is a good man," she said in her usual way, a mischievous glint lighting her eyes. Before Hiromasa had time to form any sort of reaction to the shikigami in front of him herhands clasped tightly around the sleeves of his robes and she began to pull him towards the house.

Hiromasa yelped. His men ran to detach him from the shikigami, but they could only stand around her, unsure of what to do because they did not want to manhandle her. Finally one raced towards her, followed by another. The shikigami, Mitsumushi, daintily stepped out of the way, letting the two scream as they realized, a fraction of a second too late that they were going to collide. She giggled and then tripped the third one that ran at her.

"Excuse me, but I need Lord Hiromasa-sama now," she said, giving the last of his men a smile before grabbing at Hiromasa's robes again and pulling him towards the house, leaving him with a feeling of shock that surpassed even his dread.

When they arrived at the house Hiromasa saw only the shikigami belonging to Seimei, but he himself was nowhere in sight. As soon as Mitsumushi let go of him another pushed him over to the veranda, forcing him to sit. A slimmer one gave him a sake cup and then poured sake into it from a jug that had come out of nowhere.

Another smiled at him, revealing white teeth. Hiromasa gasped. He knew Abe no Seimei's shikigami were different than normal women in that they were much thinner and never hid behind screens or seemed embarrassed about being seen, but this was too much! Her teeth were as white as Seimei's hunting cloak! He groaned. Even the lady who he had nicknamed "Pink Face" had black teeth. And even she could not manage to wear robes that were in season or apply her make-up without making her whole face pink despite the help of her ladies.

These shikigamis' white teeth seemed barbaric, threatening, animal-like. Fox-like, he then realized. Their teeth looked like foxes'. He wondered if that made Seimei feel at home and he shuddered. His friend never had actually given him an answer either way concerning the rumors of him being half fox, despite Hiromasa's many questions and attempts to pry it out of him.

Hiromasa sighed and took a long sip of his sake, glad for the alcohol's ability to soothe him and the time to himself. Well, mostly to himself anyway, but the shikigami hardly counted, since if Seimei willed it they would all turn back into folded paper dolls.

He looked up at one, staring into her eyes. They were a deep hazel color, with gold flecks scattered through them. They looked inhuman, almost unreal. They lacked feeling and depth. Instead, they looked mirrors of the outside and yet he was so drawn into them. "Mitsumushi!" he finally called, surprised that she actually listened to him as when she danced her way over to him. He motioned for her to sit and turned to look into her eyes.

Her eyes were different, more human and even more unreal if that was possible. He wondered what made her so special. Unlike the others' her eyes had depth and feeling in them. He sat back and blinked, only then realizing that he had been leaning towards her.

"Is Hiromasa-sama okay? Is something the matter?" she asked innocently, and he forced himself to turn away, hiding the blush that was quickly spreading across his cheeks.

"Nothing," he said hotly, instantly regretting his tone sounding so harsh instantly. "I mean," he repeated, softer this time, "it's nothing. I was just curious." He exhaled, his breath turning to frost in the night air. When had it gotten so dark? And cold? He shivered. He didn't remember it being so cold when he left his Lady's place, but he supposed it was that time of year when the days were warm and the nights were cool. He shivered, taking another long draught of his sake, hoping it would warm him. He quickly finished his sake and gladly held out his cup when one of the ladies offered him more.

"I wonder if I couldn't have one of them for the night," he mused, more to himself than anything else.

"One of my shikigami?"

Hiromasa jumped in surprise, a slight yelp escaping past his lips. Suddenly, he was fully conscious of his dirty face and robes. "Seimei, when did you get here? How long have you been watching? Listening?" he demanded, a deep blush covering his face.

Seimei laughed. "I take it not all went well with your Lady?" It was more of a statement than a question, and Hiromasa refused to answer it, turning away, his headtilted down in shame.

"She turned you away."

Hiromasa jumped up. "How do you always know everything!?"he suddenly burst out, attacking his friend now. "What do you do, spy on me all day or something? Maybe you cast a spell to make things go so badly! Gods, what do you want from me?" Hiromasa covered his mouth with his hands, realizing he had almost said _it, _which he had been trying so desperately to hide. No, Seimei couldn't be spying on him, because he didn't know that. And Hiromasa would never let him know _that._

"You look so upset, dear Hiromasa," was Seimei's only reply, his voice lacking any trace of anger or dismay at Hiromasa's outburst.

"There was a big scene," Hiromasa meekly admitted to his friend. "I got thrown out. Literally."

Seimei laughed again, his eyes alight. "Was it because of your bad poetry?" Hiromasa scowled.

"Hiromasa-sama has bad poetry," Mitsumushi added, full of delight.

"Can't you take anything seriously?" he demanded.

"I can."

Hiromasa turned, angry at his friend now, and stomped out of the gardenHe dismissed his servants before they could usher him into his oxcart and began to walk back towards the capital, through the dark streets. Only one of his servants followed him.

Eventually his anger faded, as did the strength to keep marching on that he had drawn from it. His feet and legs were sore. He wanted to sleep. There was an estate nearby and he sent his manservant to it, asking for a place to stay for the night.

"My Lord, the estate belongs to Akihara no Kenji and his wife, Lady Takako. Akihara no Kenji is related to one of the court _onmyouji_ and his wife was a consort of His Late Eminence. Neither is home, but their daughter, Lady Kirisaki, said she would be more than pleased to welcome you," the servant reported, earning a smile from Hiromasa. "According to the servants, she has been looking for a man that would make a suitable husband but has not found one yet. She wishes that you would dine with her tonight."

Hiromasa walked up to the estate and was ushered in by a young pageboy, who eagerly explained that the day was auspicious for washing. The boy led him to a room with an elegant tub inside, filled with warm water. On the surface of the water a few pawlonia petals floated. Two manservants ushered him in and began to strip him, telling him that he must hurry so that he may have time to dine with the lady. Hiromasa obliged and washed as quickly as his sore body would let him.

When he was done the servants helped him dress in his robe, now rid of all hints of dirt and mud. Hiromasa briefly wondered if they had a residential _Onmyoji_ among them, but decided not to bother worrying about it. Whatever the means, he was glad to have clean, presentable clothes to wear that weren't borrowed.

The same pageboy that led him in then led him through the house until they finally reached a room with a cushion on the floor and silk patterned curtains hung to hide the only woman from him. Candles lit the room. Hiromasa entered and bowed. "Lady Kirisaki," he said, "I thank you for your kind hospitality."

In his mind's eye he could almost see the woman's smile behind the silken curtain.

"Lord Hiromasa," she replied, "it is an honor to have your company. I have been lonely for so long since leaving the capital…"

Both a pageboy and a pagegirl then walked in, interrupting her. The pageboy brought a tray of food over to Hiromasa, and the girl slid between the curtains and served her lady.

"I hear you have traveled far today, Lord Hiromasa. Has court life begun to bore you?"

Hiromasa hesitated. If she already knew about the incident it would be useless to try to hide it, but if she didn't already know… He wondered how fast news traveled from the city to the outside and how many people outside actually cared to listen to it. He decided it would be best to be cautious and reply in a way that would give no indication either way. He took a bite of his food while he considered what he would say.

"I found I needed a break and went to visit a friend. I found his company tiresome and rude."

"Surely you do not mean Abe no Seimei?" she asked. Hiromasa remained silent. Even if he was mad at him, he would not sully his friend's name. "Tell me, for you are from the capital and he visits there sometimes, is he truly as good an _onmyouji_ as people say he is?"

Hiromasa sighed. "I do not like _onmyouji_. He is the only one I trust. He is even greater than the rumors say."

The woman seemed pleased by his answer and ate the rest of her meal in silence, finally sending the pageboy and girl away with their trays.

"Lord Hiromasa, I know you are tired but… I am lonely. It has been so long since any man has visited me."

Hiromasa gasped as he saw her hands pressed against the silk, her fingers outlined by it as she pushed it towards him. He found himself moving closer, and before he knew it her fingers were tracing the shape of his face.

"Please, Hiromasa, stay with me tonight! Warm my bed tonight and make me yours!"

Hiromasa, led by his instincts, pushed his way past the curtains to her. Before he realized what he was doing he had let the lady lead him through the dark corridors of the estate to her room, and her bed. He lay down as she lit candles around it, and then finally turned to face him.

He gasped. "Lady Kirisaki, not even the sun can outshine your beauty!" The woman smiled at him. She was thin, with long, thick black hair. Her lips were a pale pink, and her eyebrows were not raised and drawn on like most women's. Instead they were sharp, plucked to slant upwards from the inside of her face to outside. Her eyes were dark pools, that stared at him, beautiful and reflecting so much feeling.

Hiromasa suddenly felt himself too warm, felt his clothes too heavy and constricting. Lady Kirisaki stood before him, slowly sliding her outer layers off, followed by her hakama, leaving herself wearing only two transparent layers, as if she had anticipated his arrival when she dressed that morning. He could see her nipples beneath the silk, poking against it. And it was then that he realized it, she looked like Seimei. He stood and slid the last two layers off her, kissing her neck as he did so, suddenly finding his body moving without his will.

Hiromasa tried to speak but found that he could not. He looked up at the woman, realizing he could still move his eyes. A cruel smile danced on her lips. "You are mine now, Lord Hiromasa," she sneered. "At last I have a man that will be mine!" She laughed as she saw the confusion in Hiromasa's eyes.

"Everyone," she began, "loves the great _onmyouji_ Abe no Seimei! Every court man knows of him, even the commoners do! Every man that visits me, that I bring to my bed, that sees me by candlelight, cannot help but notice my resemblance to him, and every man refuses to bed me because of it! I refuse to spend my life unmarried!"

Hiromasa tried to move, terror surging through him, invading every fiber of his being. He did not want to be raped by this woman! …and yet… the thought was enticing. It was everything that he tried to hide, realized in the form of this woman. He almost wondered if she avoided make-up and removing her eyebrows just to look like Seimei. He stopped struggling, earning a look of surprise from her.

Maybe… maybe he wanted this? And suddenly his body was moving again, caressing hers, stripping off his own robes and pushing her onto the bed…

Hiromasa awoke to the morning light streaming across his face. He sat up, surprised. He had not realized her room was along an outside wall and had a window. Beside him lay Lady Kirisaki. A mixture of excitement, shame, and guilt ran through him as he remembered the events of the night before. He could not believe that he had slept in so late. He rose and quickly dressed. He pulled a piece of folding paper out from the front of his robes and summoned his own manservant, who had a writing kit with him. He scribbled out a quick, pathetic excuse for a morning-after poem and left it lying near the lady before he left the house, walking towards the city as his servant ran ahead of him, summoning an oxcart.

In the cool morning air Seimei sat outside on his veranda, Mitsumushi lingering beside him, her arms filled with sweet-smelling flowers. He stared up at the sky, whispering a final spell as a small smile formed on his lips.

He held up a paper doll and whispered another spell, smiling as a shikigami that looked exactly like him appeared. Leaving the shikigami in his own usual spot he walked towards his sleeping quarters, two of his female shikigami following. He lieddown and let them cover him and closed his eyes, letting sleep finally overtake him.

Hiromasa paced the floor of his room. It had been two days since that night and he still could not rid himself of the mixture of feelings swirling through him. He had declined the invitations of several ladies requesting his company, and had only left his house to appear before the emperor, immediately returning when he was done.

Finally, needing someone to talk to, he summoned his oxcart.

"I need a spell!" he announced as he walked into Seimei's garden. Several shikigami looked up at him and smiled. With a wave of his friend's hand all of them disappeared, with the exception of Mitsumushi.

"A spell?" Seimei echoed. "That's an odd request."

Hiromasa wondered how a request for a spell was considered odd by an _onmyouji_ who got several calls a week from the capital with requests for spells. He decided not to ask.

"I already gave you some nice spells. Weren't you wondering why no one was talking about you in the capital?"

Hiromasa admitted spending the past two days in his room, alone, earning the laughter of his friend.

"I visited the estate of Fujiwara no Hirokazu where you made your scene while you were here the other day. The Fujiwara's, after explaining everything to me, were given a new perception of the events. They now believe their daughter became possessed and the demon in her awakened while in your presence. You tried to save her, and got thrown out by her. Her father accompanied you to the outside of the estate, and you summoned me to take care of things. The Fujiwara's are praising you as a hero for not killing their daughter and for fetching me before it was too late for her." Seimei smiled as his friend stood dumbfounded before him.

"You…" Hiromasa finally managed to spit out, "played with their memories." Seimei noddedonce. "For me." Seimei nodded again. "Have you ever played with my memory?" Seimei did nothing. "Thank you," Hiromasa finally said, earning his friend's laughter.

"You're just lucky that I didn't tell her that your poem was what turned her!"

"I liked that poem!" Hiromasa replied, his voice cracking. Seimei laughed again.

"So what brings you here?"

Hiromasa sighed and sat near his friend, accepting a cup of sake and drinking all of it before responding. "After I left here the other night I stopped at the house of Akihara no Kenji. And slept with his daughter there."

"Was she pretty?" Seimei asked teasingly. "And did you give her any poems?"

Hiromasa decided to omit the fact that she looked like Seimei. "The point is… I feel bad. A mixture of shamed and guilty and happy. She was…" he fell silent. He couldn't say she wasn't close enough to him to make it worth it, and that at the same time it was exciting because she did look close to him, enough to make him imagine his friend while with her. And he couldn't say that the shame and guilt came from wanting his friend and not her, and betraying that want.

"She wasn't who you wanted?" Seimei asked, earning a nod from his friend. Hiromasa looked at him. His face was beautiful. His clothes draped around him loosely, making him all the more attractive. His face was narrow and his eyes dark, beautiful. He needed him. He could feel his body tensing up with want.

"You require a strong spell indeed then," Seimei murmured. "Changing your memory of it isn't the path to take, if that's what your questioning was about." Seimei knew full well that Hiromasa's questioning was not about that, but enjoyed the slight look of annoyance that crossed his friend's face.

"Please, Seimei!" Hiromasa's voice was desperate. Seimei smiled and beckoned him to stand. "This way," he said, leading him inside. He pushed folding screens out of the way to allow them access into another room, where he swept curtains aside, revealing a bed with cushions as pillows. "You'll need to lie down before we begin the spell."

Hiromasa stood, still facing the bed, his mouth wide open. "T-t-this is barbaric," he finally stuttered as he took in the cushions and lack of box pillows, along with the bed being a huge cushion itself. And finally there was the shape: a circle. Very inauspicious. Seimei laughed.

"Lie," he commanded his friend, gesturing. "You will find it quite pleasurable. And despite what you think it is not all that inauspicious."

Hiromasa did as he was told and lied down, feeling excitement running through him and filling him. He tried to clear his head, to think of boring things instead of the images forming in his head. He turned onto his stomach, trying to hide the physical changes happening to him as he grew excited. Maybe he could blame it on Seimei's shikigami? "Ara! Seimei, my pants are tight and don't fit right. Oh, it must be the shikigami." Somehow, that didn't strike two Hiromasa as a good thing to say… If anything, it was insulting to Seimei, even if he believed him.

Seimei smirked knowingly at Hiromasa. "Roll over," he commanded him. "I need you on your back, stomach facing up." Seimei could probably hear Hiromasa's inward groans. "Now, close your eyes. Imagine what, who, you wanted. Keep your eyes shut."

"Seimei that is-"

"Just do it."

Hiromasa wanted to say that it was a bad idea. That he could not here and not now. He wanted to say that he had to leave immediately. And, even more, he wanted his friend. He rolled onto his back, shifting to arrange himself comfortably on the odd bed. He closed his eyes again and awkwardly thought of himself and Seimei for a moment before pushing the thought from his head. No, he would not do this, not here! He could hear his friend sigh.

"This will only work if you do as I tell you. Please?"

Hiromasa had never heard Seimei ask him to do something like that before. His voice was cool and calm, commanding but at the same time begging. Hiromasa couldn't help but be aroused. He liked that. He knew what he wanted. He wanted Seimei. He wanted his friend to be his, to beg him for more, to-

Hiromasa gasped, as he felt warm fingers undoing his robes. He tried to calm himself down while sparks of energy burst through his body. _He does this all the time to people! It's nothing special_, he tried to tell himself mentally, but he couldn't hold back the moan of delight that came when soft lips brushed against his neck, kissing, then followed by the sensation of teeth gently biting at it. While smooth hands caressed his skin, undoing his robes further, sliding them away to reveal his throbbing erection.

The kisses trailed further down, across his chest, around his hard nipples, and led to them being licked, teased gently, and then sucked. A low moan formed deep in Hiromasa's throat, his pleasure evident. He felt warm hands wrap around his shaft, rhythmically running up and down it.

"No, please," he moaned, unable to fathom why he was possibly against this. The kisses started up again, trailing down his body. He felt a warm tongue teasing his balls, licking around them, sucking at them. He could hardly take the excitement anymore as it filled his body.

And then the hands and tongue switched places, bringing him immense pleasure as his balls were gently teased and pulled while a warm tongue ran along his shaft, swirling around the head and finally warm lips on it as the tongue swirled around it, sucking at it. He could contain himself no longer and let out noises of pleasure as his back arched, thrusting his erection farther up, deeper in, feeling the tongue slide along it, the sucking get stronger, and finally the release of his orgasm, leaving him in a state of pleasure beyond belief.

He felt his body relax and he fell back on the bed, his breathing just now heavy, sweat beading on his forehead. When he could breathe normally again he opened his eyes. Beside the bed sat both Seimei and Mitsumushi.

"Hiromasa-sama is a good man," Mitsumushi praised him with a smile.

Confusion wracked through Hiromasa's brain. That had been the most pleasure he had ever felt and yet… which one of them had done it? Neither showed any sign that it may have been them. Hiromasa's body felt at peace, his mind content all but a nagging thought in the back, trying to figure out who it was and what had made it feel so good.

He blushed, realizing he was now lying naked in front of both of them and grabbed his robes, pulling them around him as he sat.

"What did you do?" he finally asked Seimei, who merely laughed as an answer. Hiromasa wondered if that was because Seimei didn't do… He didn't know what to think. "Seimei!" he finally exclaimed in exasperation, falling back against the covers and closing his eyes. He didn't want to know. The peace was leaving him, replaced by anxiety. Both had seen him at the height of his pleasure. It was already bad enough that he liked Seimei, but now he had no clue which he had, or which he wanted. Or, more like, he wanted Seimei, and hated the idea of being brought that far by Mitsumushi, even if she was cute. He heard his friend whisper something before his consciousness faded into darkness.

"You will awaken at your home, peaceful. Have a good sleep, Hiromasa," were the last words he heard, in his friend's low, manly voice.


	2. Chapter 2

Hiromasa frowned, pacing his chambers yet again. He did not know what to think. It had been several days, almost a week. He still had not even so much as written his friend a letter. Given, he had no idea which of the two he would have written his morning after letter to if he had written it. But he hadn't. He had not sent any letters to Seimei, even ones that weren't morning after poems. He had tried to write a letter or two, but ended up crumpling the paper up and throwing it into the fire. He was too confused. Too upset. Perhaps all too happy with how things went last time. But could happiness really make someone this irritable?

Hiromasa sighed, pausing in the middle of his floor, staring at his feet. He could hear his gentlewomen running around outside his room, aghast that he demanded them all leave the room until he calmed down.

He knew they blamed Seimei for this. Seimei was rather odd in his ways, living a life very different than the men of the capital. And his gentlewomen and serving men knew that he visited Seimei often. He could hear them whispering at night, thinking him asleep, about how Seimei was a bad influence for him, about how odd he had become since he began to visit the man. Hiromasa wondered if he also didn't blame Seimei for what had happened to him. It certainly would not have happened if it weren't for him getting to know Seimei, but was it Seimei's fault that it happened or his own?

He lashed out, kicking a cushion on the floor and sending it flying across the room into a screen. The screen swayed but steadied itself. Hiromasa cursed under his breath. If nothing else, he blamed Seimei for this! For all this anger and rage stemming from the confusion pent up inside him. The confusion was Seimei's fault. It wouldn't be if Seimei would have just been honest with him, instead of playing that cruel trick with the two of them.

"Hiromasa-sama! You mustn't throw things about as such! Demons wait for moments like these!" a female voice shouted from behind the screen he had knocked.

Hiromasa scowled. He didn't care right now. By Amaterasu let a hoard of demons come after him! He kicked another cushion, sending it flying at the same screen. So let it fall on her! The lady behind it screamed. For a moment he felt bad. But only a moment. Any feelings he had of shame soon gave way to the overwhelming anger and brought him back to the question; why?

Why! Why upon Izanagi and Izanami did he allow Mitsumushi in? Just to confuse him? Why would he have let Mitsumushi do that to him? And worse, why would he let her watch if it had been him and not her? Hiromasa growled, kicking his table. His foot stung from the blow but he began to stop around anyways. Curse Abe no Seimei for this! Curse him!

He sat on the floor with a thud, his energy run out. He hated being this confused. He could remember those touches so clear and vividly, and yet he couldn't remember if the hands were soft and small like a woman's or larger and rougher like a man's. But Seimei's hands… surely they were not rough. Surely they were smooth and gentle. He could almost feel them on his skin and cursed himself for letting these thoughts in again.

"Would Hiromasa-sama like me to come in and-"

The woman was cut off as Hiromasa threw a teacup at the screen as his answer (no). Surprisingly no scream of dismay followed. Well, of course not, it was his gentlewoman Aishou. She was the most level headed of his gentlewomen, the least likely to be rattled or scared. Sometimes he wondered how she ended up with her position as a gentlewoman and regretted she had not been born into a higher rank. She was smart and witty and could out-quote any man or woman and knew almost as many kanji as he did. And her poetry was stunning.

Hiromasa wasn't surprised when she walked in anyways, her long black hair trailing behind her.

"Perhaps Hiromasa-sama would like his shoulders massaged to help him relax," she suggested, her eyes trailing over his form. Hiromasa found himself praying that she couldn't see the erection he had managed to gain from thinking of his friend. If she did she gave no indication as she walked over and sat behind him, undoing the top of his hunting cloak and sliding the robes so they draped just off his shoulders.

Hiromasa felt himself both tense and then slowly untense beneath the woman's fingers as they rubbed over his shoulders, pressing against sensitive areas near his neck and collarbone. And then he couldn't help but wonder what Seimei's fingers would feel like there, and against his back where hers now were. His erection was only getting harder. Again he prayed that the woman wouldn't notice. She had been with him for years, serving him in close proximity, nearby even as he slept with the occasional lady visitor, but that did not mean that he wanted her to see him like this or would be okay with it! He tried to do something about it, up to and including imagining the emperor naked, but that did very little to help, because along with every thought came the thought of Seimei. It was maddening just how bad he wanted him even after a stunt such as that one he pulled!

"Hiromasa-sama, perhaps there is a better way in which I can help you relax?" she asked, her gaze remaining on him even as he turned around to stare at her, a bright red blush working its way across his face. Suddenly he felt like he had a woman just as odd as someone he would meet at Seimei's place in her complete, unabashed, forwardness. He missed normal life and normal women before he had met Seimei, the polar opposite of what he was thinking days ago. Before that day, when he was with her, before his humiliation with the Fujiwara's.

"If you don't mind me saying," Aishou began, cutting off his thoughts, "you have been building up too much sexual tension lately and have done nothing to relieve yourself of it. You would find yourself quite happier if you would…"

Hiromasa was about to snappily decline when he stopped to think. She was right, he had been building up too much sexual tension since that time with Seimei. Perhaps that was what his problem was, just hormones and too much tension. Perhaps all he needed was an easy, willing woman to soothe him and then he would be fine. Yes, that must be it! He looked at the woman and nodded.

Morning dawned and Hiromasa found himself in an odd predicament, not that he wasn't getting used to these lately. Aishou was still lying beside him, her bare back visible. He was both satisfied and yet not satisfied in the least! She had given him everything he could ever want physically, knowing when to touch where and the right words to say and yet… And yet he still longed for another. He should have had no reason to be dissatisfied with her, and all his sexual desire was gone for the moment, and yet he was still unhappy and unsatisfied. He could not figure it out. More likely, he refused to admit to himself that the answer was plain as day; he liked Seimei and even despite his cruel trick wanted him.

Hiromasa dressed, leaving the woman to sleep beside him. Normally he would be quite upset that she was not up by now. But she had been kind to him last night, sensitive to all his needs, and had quite literally worn herself out and pushed her limits in making the sex good for him, so he would let her sleep.

He wondered vaguely if she'd expect to wake to a morning after poem. Surely it wasn't needed since she was merely a gentlewoman and knew just as well as he did that this was casual and a one time thing but… it may be the proper thing to do, at least to thank her for what she did to and for him.

He sat down at his table with his brush, finding his cushions replaced before it. He would have been upset had they not been there, but he did wonder when they were brought back over and by whom. He did not let it bother him for long though, because he had to focus on this poem. He would write it himself, because Aishou would prefer something written by him and knew herself just how bad his poetry was.

The paper he chose was lilac. He had, over the many years she had served him, realized that this was the color that she preferred to wear the most. They had talked about it once in an argument over auspicious clothing to wear to a shrine they were visiting. In the end she won the argument, though only by saying that she was merely accompanying him there and not going to be in the shrine as he was. He scowled at the memory, knowing now that he should have insisted she too go in and pray with him. He could have won the argument that way. Still, he supposed, she was older, so it made sense that she won at the time.

As he placed his poem of gratitude by her head her eyes opened wide, staring at him. "Aishou," he spoke, but she cut him off, holding a finger up to his lips.

"If I may be so bold as to say, Hiromasa-sama, I am not the one you want. You should go after him already, it will work best that way."

All the words Hiromasa was going to say were caught in his throat, and all that escaped his lips was a sound similar to a squeak. The lady smiled at him.

"It's alright, Hiromasa-sama," she said soothingly. "The others haven't figured as much as I have, and I won't let them if you wish it to remain a secret. Still, I may be only a woman, but even to me it is clear that your feelings for him are strong, and I am the one here that has known you the longest. You should not wait in this matter or you will invite the spirits to yourself."

Hiromasa shook his head, trying to think of how to explain himself to the woman. "It's not that it is that easy," he finally spoke. "Seimei makes things… difficult. It is not my feelings for him driving me mad but he himself that is driving me mad."

The woman shook her head, her long black tresses shining beautifully in the light of the morning.

"You have been telling yourself you have no more than friendly feelings for him, Hiromasa-sama. You need to be honest with yourself before you can expect other people to be, especially Abe no Seimei."

With that he watched as she stood, wrapping her robes around her and leaving his room, his poem held delicately in her hand.

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**A/N:** Okay, so that was supposed to be longer (by about another 3,000 words), but i have a job interview and need to go get ready for that and wanted to post this first. Plus, I think this is also a good place for this chapter to stop. It's looking like there's going to be at least one or two more following chapters, but I'm getting the urge to make this a bit longer. We'll see. My "beta" (if she'll let me call her that) hasn't looked at this yet, so it's likely to have spelling and or grammar mistakes occasionally and may be changed with an edited version later. Still, I'm rather fond of the turnout.

Reviews please maybe? I like them...


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